Written March 14, 2012 - After the potential "love of my life" disaster. I decided on my type being a polar opposite of what I saw in Daniel. And I thought I would find that working with those who enforced the law. And I got a job working for the Police Department. I met people there that I will treasure for the rest of my life. Some of the nicest, kind hearted people. Those that made me feel special and truly warmed my heart. A heart I didn't think existed for a long time.
That's where I met "Jonny." This kid was so quiet and shy but when he spoke or did anything I knew his heart was good and pure. But I just didn't know how to approach him to get to know him better. Luckily for me he was friends with my sister who also worked there. But this isn't story time for how I fell for Jonny.
I make the same mistake over and over and you would think I would learn by now. I keep falling for these straight or curious, emotionally unavailable men and then develop imaginary feelings from them and then I plot and scheme how to win their heart. Then when things go wrong which they always do I end up depressed on the floor crying my eyes out. What the hell is wrong with me?
All I can do now is laugh. Because I can say I'm going to change or that I'm gonna be a reinvent myself but I know that I'm not going to stand by that. This is why everyone else around me is moving forward and I'm sitting here in my parent's house a complete and total loser. And because I'm such a lovable gay no one really wants to just tell me how big of a loser I really am. Which is nice of them but sometimes a harsh reality makes for the greatest motivator.
So the next time one of my terrible "relationships" goes up in smoke I'll come here and read this and remember....I'm a loser...but only because I know it.
No comments:
Post a Comment